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twist.jpgThe situation with Adam reminds me of what happened with some housemates I had about a year ago. Back then, I had a clash with one of the two girls I lived with in Jerusalem. She locked me out. So when I made plans for somewhere else to live, they found they had a problem. Both of them were quite restricted financially. So me leaving meant they’d have a few weeks when they’d be short of rent money. Their solution – despite my departure being prompted by one of them telling me to leave – was to keep my bond money. The bond money wasn’t looked at as a deposit that was due back to me, except in limited circumstances. They simply saw the money as a solution to their problem, of not being able to afford rent for the next few weeks until they found another housemate.

In this situation – with Adam wanting more money than is fair, or for rates (which are always an owner’s responsibility) is simply a case of him being short of money himself, so looking around for a solution, even if the “solution” is inappropriate.

I was discussing this with Crab the other night, at length.

trench.pngShe says it stems from people’s desire to twist reality to an insane degree simply for the purpose of justifying their own behaviour – to make themselves appear “right”.
We also took the concept to a situation with someone we both used to work for – PJ – who is currently watching his marriage disintegrate. PJ’s wife is conducting a vicious, ugly war against him. She’s accusing him of threatening violence (for telling her mother to stay away from him during one argument) and refusing him access to his kids. Crab & I have both worked in CSA, so we’ve seen how ugly divorce/custody disputes can get. And in most of them, the parents lose perspective. They’re fighting to fight. They’re simply trying to hurt. Why? I’ve never understood the obsession some people have for beating up their exes. What’s it achieve? And more to the point, how can they justify it?

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3 Comments

  1. I think mostly it’s a tit-for-tat thing. They’re not objective in the first place, and then they go “well he/she did that, so therefore I’m well within my rights to do this back”

  2. There is no point in beating up your ex, unless you draw blood. Hehehehehe.

    I’m currently housing a mates mum, who has left an abusive relationship. We were discussing the dynamics of arguments that become explosive. It is pretty much the way Sioneld has described in their comment above. It’s a “you hurt me, I hurt you” attitude. It doesn’t make it right, it doesn’t mean that the initial comment was designed to hurt, it doesn’t mean that it makes the person who bit back a bad person. It’s just the way most people work.

    In my next life I want to be a daffodil.

  3. A daffodil? So you can be stomped on and eaten by cows?


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