In a few months, my time here will be over.
It will either end in late June, or at the end of winter. The decision isn’t mine – it depends on Alderney. If she decides to return with me to Rome, the logistics are much more complex and much more expensive, and time will be needed to save up extra. But at this stage, it seems my return will be alone. So I am considering the life I wish to live when I do return.
One major motivation for going back to Rome is Lucius. He is now eight, and getting to the stage in his life when his father should be around, not just a presence at the end of a telephone line. He’s getting into football, cricket and various other activities and I know Caerulia is wishing for my return so she doesn’t have to spend every moment chasing him to sport, friends’ places, school events and everything else he gets up to. Me being in the same city, especially if I live nearby, would mean I could share these jobs, taking him to activities and therefore giving Caerulia her life back, to an extent.
But when I first decided to return to Rome, at the end of the Veronique chapter last October, I made some other decisions at the same time. I realised back then a lot about who I have become. I’m no longer ambitious or materialistic. I don’t feel the need to pursue material goals the way I once did. I’m more focussed on remaining content within my own world, rather than competing with others.
So I decided I’d like to concentrate on a few things other than career progression when I returned to Rome. I’d like to devote more time to writing, and that means I’ll also devote more time to reading. I have bookcases full of half-completed books I’m yet to finish reading. I’d also like to return to my political work, especially in lobbying for the things I believe are important. And I also wish to work more closely once more with Yuri. And put some flesh on some of the ideas that have been churning around my mind for the last five or ten years. Ideas of cooperation, rather than competition.